Lights Out!! Leo's one and only blog

Oh that INDESCRIBABLE feeling... That is WHAT you get when you're driving a tank! Once you push that button and feel the tank engine starting up and vibrating. Even better is piloting that chunk of metal. Things started out abit rough in the beginning of the week because I was screwed by my instructor for reckless driving hehe but what to do? Once the blood starts pumping, you just wanna see how fast the thing would go although I moved extremely slow... for the first 10 meters because I was afraid of the tank hitting a tree or overturning because it fell into a ditch but later I was like "Heck it" and floored the accelerator till I felt that my tank was very near a bunch of leaves that I suddenly turned left but oversteered and made another sudden turn to the right and that was when the shite hit the fan and I got screwed. Oh well, I still got my tank license in the end and I'm very proud of that because before I even drive a car I get to drive a multimillion dollar tank, that's a many fold upgrade the type of vehicle I drive. Now, all I have to do is to get that vehicle to drive on public roads.... yeah right! Only when pigs can fly will that ever happen! But if that ever happens, I'll probably run over all the cars in my way heh. Finally, I got my tank license 2 days ago! My tester is a great man, unlike the usual testers who would just stay there and make you feel uncomfortable, the moment I stepped into the tank we started chatting about everything under the sun and I didn't feel one bit uncomfortable. So for both my day and night driving tests, he told me: "Good driving!" haha, my head is growing ever in size.

Contrary to the great time I spent driving, although conditions in where I am now compared to where my friends stuck there is much better I feel that im falling to the realm of being a buay-kan(incapable) cadet. I don't know why, my focus is off, i can't seem to absorb information as much as I could before, I'm becoming blurer, I can't seem to get things done right and I don't know why. Back at SAFTI, I could do everything. My instructors would get me to be the demonstrator for things we just learnt and I could answer what ever questions they threw at me. During field camps whenever my instructor said he wanted a positive demonstration for a field monoeuvre before we could all rest(if not he'll make us redo it) he would get me to be the appointment holder and I would be able to do it. Back then, during tests I even liked going to the instructors who would treat cadets harshly through "verbal power" whenever they made mistakes because I like to challenge myself to see how I can maintain my composure under them and not once did I get scolded by them. Heck, they even talked to me nicely and called me out to be demonstrator on the test day itself to my fellow cadets because I was the only person who did the drill(s) correct! But even though I want to do well here because I like this place, I can't seem to find the answers to the questions thrown to me nor be able to identify the slightly more intricate parts of the tank... What's happening to me? I don't want to be a f***** up officer when I commission.

On the contrary, the enciks(warrant officers) in camp are really nice people. They have a wealth of wisdom and experience gained over the years and are more than willing to share and advice us on what type of officers we should be when we become platoon commanders and how to deal with different problems. I must really learn from them. My RSM is especially a very fatherly figure. I think he knows I'm troubled and he took the trouble to remember my name and he would always smile at me and ask: "Lionel, ni hao ma?"(are you ok?) in a fatherly tone. He would always tell me I look stressed out(and I probably am although I don't feel it). Before the driving test, he even gave me a massage! Imagine, a RSM, the CO's right hand man giving me, a cadet a massage! It's because of him, I'm feeling better but I don't know whether this feeling would last till after I go back to the sufferage...